I used to be married to a domestic violent fool
My story is this: I already had 2 living children and 2 dead ones due to abuse [2 miscarriages]. And we barely had a place to stay. We had a little [little] food. And part of that time, we had no running water and no electricity. Off and on for seven years. I know what it’s like to not have running water for months at a time, and little children in the midst of it. I know what it is like to not have electricity for months at a time, and no heat and there is a foot of snow on the ground. And all of this time, your husband is hitting you, playing mind games and not providing.
I used to cook on top of a kerosene heater that put soot on the walls [one of my children almost died from lung problems as a result]. What little food we had [usually rice and corn, maybe and that was a lot. Most of the time, we had crackers and peanut butter, maybe.]
I used to put a black garbage bag over the toilet, and throw it out every other day. Of course, when the big truck came to get the trash, the bag would burst. You get the picture.
If we were ‘good’, he would bring home a jug of water that he filled from a milk jug at the gas station. If we were not good enough we got nothing. Mind you, he worked at a restaurant [never brought anything home] and would go to truck stops to clean up. I used to stand my kids up in the kitchen sink, pour some of the water into a spray bottle, spray them, soap them, and spray the soap off. I kept them clean for a long time over several years [7] doing this.
I used to dodge dishes, detergent [tide bottles], phones [one day, he beat me with a phone for over an hour and I started having seizures a week later], perfume bottles [they HURT because they are almost solid glass], and irons [that you press your clothes with]. Steel irons would be thrown with such force that I would duck and it would dent the steel front door or put a hole in the sheetrock.
I lost my inheritance as a result of being married to a fool.
I had my first child at 19. That one barely lived [he tried to beat the baby out of me, but they came at 32 weeks anyway]. The one at age 20, was beaten out of me [lost at 12 weeks]. The one at age 21 was beaten out of me [lost at 20 weeks]. The one at age 22 had health problems, but she survived [came at 32 weeks but had health problems].
I told you all this to say: If there was anybody who should have aborted the rape baby and the baby born in domestic violence, it was me. I was raped by a neighbor, who was mad at me for witnessing about Jesus to his common law wife, and she got converted. He broke in my trailer the next day [Monday night] and raped me. I was hot tied, bound and gagged. I got pregnant. I was 23 at the time. I kept my child. I did not visit the local butcher [abortion clinic] and I did not put my child up for adoption although I probably could have. I brought my child home. The abuse got worse. And then I had my 4th living child at 25 a little girl. And I brought her home also.
So now, I had 2 dead children and 4 living children and me in a bad situation. By the time the oldest was 8, I managed to leave him. For good. We were all scarred emotionally [and still are. Scars fade but they never heal].
The point behind me telling you is this: I had the sense of a grape [I was not ‘bright’ at all]. No one needs a spouse that bad. And someone telling you to abort your kids is a moron also. My kids are all grown now. Their ages are 27, 24, 22, and 21. When I first left this man, he chased us and harassed us, even though we had left the state. I moved into my grandmother’s house. His people did not help us either. They told me for years that I stayed pregnant to keep ‘a good man down’, and all of that nonsense. Eventually we moved into projects, and the harassment got really bad then. But I did not sit around and lick my wounds. I worked and worked. It was hard but eventually I worked us out of the projects. The city built me a home [kinda like Habitat for Humanity, but another program] and we moved into that house. Now, I graduate with my Bachelors degree next month, and I start my Masters degree in 3 months, and I am selling this house and moving to the coast next month.
My children are all in college. The oldest is contemplating going to medical school for his 2nd degree [he wants to be a heart surgeon] the 2nd child is majoring in early childhood education, the 3rd child [the rape baby] is studying engineering, and the 4th is studying public speaking and speaks all over the country. John [the child conceived from rape] has no emotional issues. He did when he was 17 for about 1 month when he found out about how he was conceived. But he snapped out of it very quickly.
Now, everyone is grown of course, I am much a stronger person [because even through incredible odds, I kept trying and kept trying and finally I made it. I overcame poverty, a rape, raising lots of children by yourself in the worst environment, and whatever else. My baby is not scarred. I think killing him in a abortion clinic would have scarred him real good. But I did not do this. I had people tell me that I should have aborted my kids to finish my degree. To me, kids are worth more than that; they are worth more than a sheet of paper.
If anybody has any questions about my story, my email address is: isurvived46 at yahoo.com
P.G., Tennessee
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I carried my pregnancy to term–so can you!
I grew up in a Christian prolife family but what impressed me the most was my 9th grade biology teacher. He had shelves all along the walls with jarred specimens in them. Among them were miscarried babies, from 6 weeks to about 7 months gestation, which he referred to often as he talked about human gestation. There was no denying that it was a baby, not a blob of tissue. This was real important because between 9th & 10th grades I became pregnant.
I knew of others who had had abortions & the baby’s father offered to pay for one. I was very angry that he would think this was a ‘solution’ to parenting his child. I didn’t tell my parents for a while as I prayed for God to help me find a solution. None came except to tell my parents who were very loving. They gave me several choices but said abortion was not an option. It wasn’t as far as I was concerned either.
During the remaining of my pregnancy, I begged God to have the baby’s father come & marry me so I could keep my baby. I wanted him/her so much but that didn’t happen. God seemed to impress upon my heart that if I truly loved my baby I would do what was best for him/her: find mature, loving, Christian parents for him/her. So we asked our pastor to find a couple to adopt my baby at birth. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do but knew it was the loving, best thing for him. I saw my son just one time….the day his parents came to pick him up from the hospital…….the day I put him into God’s hands to watch over him all of his life for me.
I faced my first crisis pregnancy 46 years ago when there weren’t so many options available as there is now. If I could do it then & make a loving adoption plan for my son, you can do it now!
Judi W, Lake Forest CA
2008
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Esweidy
My name is Esweidy. I got pregnant before my 17th birthday.
Victor and I had been dating for a little over a year. We care about each other very much.We met my freshmen year in high school. We started dating 4 weeks after school has started.
He went and talk to my mom and step dad. They agree to let us be together, and give us THE NO SEX TALK. His mom never really liked me she tried to make his break up with me lots of times.
Victor and his parents had lots of problems. So one day Victor decided to live home he went to one of his friend’s house. He stayed there for about 3 mouths and in the course of 3 mouths my mom had help him get a car. Then he had no where to live; he was sleeping in his car.
My mom decided to let his stay with us but he had to sleep in the living room with my brother Uriel. I got pregnant in October 2006. I found out because I went to the AAA New Life Clinic. They had me take a pregnancy test and it was positive I did not know what to do. I was crying and victor told me we can make it.
Victor told his mom first and she did not say any thing. But a couple of days later went we went to her house. She was telling me that I had to stop going to school and get a job because her son was not going to pay for everything and was telling me that it was stupid that I had gotten pregnant. My mom still did not know I was so scared, not only to tell her but because she had helped him get a car and gave him a roof to live under and food to eat. I dint want to tell her because I felt that I was going to break her hearth.
I told my sister; she at the time was 15 years old. She was so mad calling me names, telling me how could you do this to mom. She has helped you guys so much and this is how you repay her. But after all the crying she hugged me and told me everything is going to be ok. She told our younger sister she at the time was 13 years old. She was so mad she stopped talking to me for about 3 months. My brother found out because wanted a pen in my book bag and found my ultrasound. I cried all the time every day I didn’t know what do to I had no one to tell what I was going to true.
Me and victor were still together and my mom still did not know. We had planned to tell her June 8th because she had been asking me if I was pregnant and I keep on saying, “No, Mom I am not. Why would you say that?” the day came for me to tell my mom we were all sitting at the table ready to tell her and the phone stared to ring it was my ant(my mom sister) she had called to tell her that they had found my uncle (my moms only brother) had been murder. My mom just fled to the ground and started to cry and say NO. I didn’t have time to tell my mom by the next day she had the bags pack ready to go to Chelan, WA. It is a 1 day non stop drive I was
8 mouths pregnant and so scared because victor was not going to be there. 2 weeks after we got to Chelan my mom had to go to Mexico to take my uncle’s body. I was 8 1/2 mouths she still did not know I was pregnant. She left us with my uncle DARIO AND HIS WIFE DULCE.
My due day was JULY 12 and I told my aunt JULY 11. I was crying did not know what to do and she told me that it was going to be ok. I had a doctor’s appointment the next day and they told me the baby was very good. Then the same day my aunt Dulce called my mom and told her that I was pregnant. She told me that my mom did not say anything. I was to go to the hospital JULY 19 at 6:00 am and my mom got back from Mexico at 3:00am the same day.
I got up at 5:30 am, took a shower and my aunt took me to the hospital. My mom was still asleep. Then when my mom saw that I was gone, she called my aunt and told her that she wanted to be there. So my aunt went to pick her up and she was there with me.
I went to the hospital at 6:00am and I had MARIPOSA at 8:18pm
PS: my mom did get really mad but she didn’t get as mad at me for being pregnant as for not telling her I was. All I have to say is love your self and your baby and I really hope that you make the best chose for you and your baby as you read my story you’ll see I had many chances to have an abortion but I chose not to I know many girl in my school that have had an abortion and know they say how sorry they are.
ESWEIDY VALDOVINOS BARAJAS, Nebraska
March 4, 2008
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Tabitha
Up until about a year and a half ago life could not be better, my family loved each other, and with the exception of my brothers growing up and leaving home, I couldn’t be happier. Things can happen in the blink of an eye, my Dad walked out and left and my Mom and I alone. I am almost 19 years old and a high school drop out, my mom and I are trying to make it on our own and I am on the look for a father figure I guess. My longing for security ends me up with a man twice my age and married, as you can guess I ended up pregnant, alone and scared to death, how am I going to raise a baby?
My pregnancy started out with a bang, how am I going to tell my family, Mom is going to kill me. I am throwing up every day ALL day so eventually I had to tell someone. Of course my Mom was disappointed, as any mother would be, but we talked about it and we worked out that she would assist me. By the 6th month I was loosing weight and still throwing up everyday. I wasn’t able to work to help support my self and the Daddy had me on an emotional roller coaster. By the 7th month I still had not gained weight and the Drs started seeing me twice a week to do stress test and ultra sounds to make sure the baby was ok. By the 8th month I was seeing the Dr three times a week and they are saying the baby is only 2lbs, but slowly the baby did gain some weight and by week # 36, 4to5 weeks before delivery they are talking about delivering at 38 weeks, the uterus had slowed down and they were afraid the baby would loose weight.
On week # 38 I was admitted to the hospital to induce labor, but ended up having to have a C-section because my body was just not ready. So at 10:30 that night my angel was born, and for the first time I felt an attachment to my child, it was the most wonderful feeling in the world, and it was even better because I just didn’t expect to feel that strong love bond. He weighed 4lbs and 4ozs at birth, so small but I wasn’t afraid anymore, the love I felt for him just seemed to make everything ok.
My Mom says that I have surprised her and it has been a blessing to see how I have matured and grown through this. I still have a long way to go but we can do this together and maybe our story will touch someone. My baby is now 2 months old and being a mother to this wonderful child has made me feel whole again. Thank-you for reading . Please think before you act.
Tabitha from TN
May 28, 2008
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Amanda
I was barely 16 when I found out I was pregnant. I had my 16th birthday in January 2002 and I found out I was pregnant in April 2002—I was a 10th grader at Colbert Heights High School. I remember feeling sick and extremely fatigued for a few weeks and I had always been athletic so I knew I wasn’t feeling the way I should’ve been feeling at that time. I had seen this guy a total of two (2) times and once I told him the news that I was pregnant he seemed to be willing to take responsibility but I later realized he bought me a few items to keep me satisfied. I was in such a state of shock and panic that the idea of abortion seemed like a way out of trouble at that given moment.
My parents were strict Christians and I had been in church my whole life so the idea of me being pregnant was gut-wrenching enough, but I had to tell my parents? After a few days of fear and shock and everything else I knew there was no way I could do what I had thought about. I had never believed in abortion and to this day I still don’t, but unless you have been in this kind of situation you have absolutely no idea how lonely of a place I was in at that point. I had everything going for me—volleyball, band, basketball and softball. I had so many dreams and hopes of playing college softball and it was selfish I know.
It took a week for my mother to find out about my pregnancy. It was just something she figured out and she cornered me about it and I’m NOT a good liar so she could see it in my eyes. She was upset beyond belief but amazingly supportive and I desperately needed to know and feel my parents’ love at that moment. When my dad found out it took him many, many weeks to “get over” the idea that his only daughter, at 16, would be having a child.
Later in the pregnancy I realized the idiot I was seeing wasn’t going to be helping me out like I thought. Luckily, I had found myself a wonderful guy that stuck it out with me through thick and thin. He was in the hospital through everything. He was such an amazing guy—so amazing that we are married now!
My daughter will be 6 years old on January 29, 2009 and I am SO HAPPY that she is in my life! I am now 22 and my husband and I have added another child to our family. Our son was 2 on July 5, 2008. I love my children more than I ever imagined I could and for my parents—they are so proud to be called granny and pawpaw. Had an abortion been more than a fleeting thought in my mind, I would not be as happy today as I am. I thank God every single day that I was woman enough to say NO to abortion and raise my child. Abortion should never be an option.
–Amanda Weaver
–Huntsville, AL
Formerly of Tuscumbia, AL
September 12, 2008