Weaponized Toothpaste, Fights Cavities and Bumperstickers

On my way home from the office tonight I stopped off at the local health food store for some milk for three our little girls.  I have been a committed consumer of organic food since long before most people had ever even heard the term ”sustainable agriculture” (of which even most consumers of organic products probably haven’t heard).  Now “organic” has gone so mainstream that even sick-food stores have health-food sections.  But this particular store is still pretty countercultural and the clerks attire says it all.  Most are clad in black and many have garishly died hair and or multiple body piercings and tattoos on top of  tattoos.  It is safe to assume that not many supported the McCain/Palin ticket in 2008.

As I returned to my car I noticed what appeared to be tooth paste on my tailgate.  It appeared to have flung from a tube which had been waved about in a frenzy of disapproval.  Could the trigger have been my pro-life bumper sticker?  The weird choice of tooth paste as an expressive medium suggested the possibility that an outraged pro-abort grabbed the nearest projectile in the top of her grocery bag (no guy would have used a toilet article as a weapon) and squeezed away.  She appeared to have been in a literally blind rage because most of her tooth paste actually ended up on the ground.  She might have been a poor shot but she was quite persistent.  Almost the entire contents of a large tube lay in streaks, all over the pavement.  The resulting mess bore an uncanny resemblance to a Jackson Pollock painting.   Tooth paste as a medium range missile is difficult to deliver with precision.  It is more of a close-quarters, point-blank sort of weapon.

It must not have occurred to my attacker that tooth paste is much more expensive than bumper stickers and it will wash off pretty easily (my dirty car was, as usual, long overdue for a trip through the car wash).

Even more oddly, about a week ago, an identical pro-life bumper sticker was ripped from my car in the same parking lot.  I can’t imagine the same attacker would have been responsible for both attacks.  The message on this sticker isn’t even particularly offensive:  It is the URL of our website, abortionNO.org.  The people responsible for this infantile behavior can’t possibly know that we buy bumper stickers by the case.  It is also difficult to imagine how the sight of such a mild expression of opposition to abortion could provoke such rage.  If I were a gambling man, I would wager that these attackers are women whose involvement with abortion is more personal than political.  They are struggling to feel good about themselves despite having done a very bad thing.  They are pretending that their babies weren’t babies.  They are pretending that their abortions weren’t acts of violence.  They are living in dream worlds so fragile that even a bumper sticker can shatter their illusions.  God bless them.  Pray for them.  They are more to be pitied than censured.

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